Lately you've been heavy on mind. It's like you're trying to send me a message but I don't know what it is. I never realized how much your death impacted me until I went to college. I always tell my roommates I wish y'all would have met me before my best friend died, I was different. I'm different now. I'm more reserved and hardly ever let anyone in because I'm scared of betraying you by confiding in someone else that is not you. You know what sucks? Forever in my mind you'll be 17 but it sucks because in my mind I'll always be 17 when it comes to you, no matter how old I get. It's like I'm stuck in this time warp when it comes to you. Sometimes I feel guilty about taking life for granted when yours was cut so short. You had so much potential, you were to going to heal the world. I think that's what kills me, knowing you were taken so abruptly when you had so much potential. Normally I would write on your Facebook page but I felt like this would be more "intimate". Bash I really do miss you everyday! It really does seem like a part of me died along with you. I still haven't called your mom, I just can't seem to build the courage to do it. If I feel like this, only God knows how she feels. I know this was random but I tend to build up so many emotions inside and I never let them out. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever really let go. I'm thinking about going to therapy to deal with my issues. It seems like the only way I'll be able to be "me" again. So much more I would like to say but I don't even know where to start. I'll love you forever and for always. P.S. Did I tell you my mom had triplets, all boys. They're big now. The middle one Tamba reminds me so much of you.